A Fowl STEM Tuesday Holiday Post

Good day, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Johnny Cockerel, Gallus gallus domesticus, and I represent the legal interests of the Avian Enrichment Society (A.V.E.S.). 

Photo credit: William Warby from London, England via creativecommons.org

For centuries, birds have been exploited in the popular holiday song, The Twelve Days of Christmas. Humankind has reaped bountiful comfort and joy from my fellow bird species without any compensation. Yet, for some unknown reason to logic or musical sensibility, only half the song includes birds. 

Let us first study the facts. The accepted, modern lyrics to the traditional version of The Twelve Days of Christmas are as follows: 

( Feel free to read, or sing, to the submitted lyrics.)

• One the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…A partridge in a pear tree.
• One the second day of Christmas, blah blah blah blah blah blah…Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

(Follow the time-space-holiday song-continuum/neurologically ingrained rhythmic pattern for the remaining verses.)

• Three french hens,
• Four calling birds,
• Five gold rings,
• Six geese a-laying
• Seven swans a-swimming,
• Eight maids a-milking,
• Nine ladies dancing,
• Ten lords a-leaping,
• Eleven pipers piping,
• Twelve drummers drumming.

Notice the deliberate shift in lyrical theme introduced after the fifth day of Christmas which completely overtakes the song on the seventh day of Christmas? Where did the birds go? The lyrics started down the right road and then some human intervention ruined a perfectly good thing. Sound familiar?

A.V.E.S. has engaged my avian legal services to propose a change to the lyrics of The Twelve Days of Christmas. A new set of lyrics that more accurately reflect the importance of the Aves class. Today, we submit a proposal to right past wrongs and to correct a great lyrical misstep. We present a more promising musical holiday future—one where the avian species can truly be appreciated for their role in the ecosystem, food chain, and general enjoyment level of all who live on our fine planet. 

We present our case to you, the jury of STEM. 

Exhibit A

Bird books.

Look at these fine titles from this month’s STEM Tuesday book list. Birds make great reading! 

Exhibit B

Birders.

Walton LaVonda, U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service [Public domain]

Exhibit C 

Ornithology. 

Ornithology, my friends, is more than a fancy-schmancy word. It’s a whole field of science! The study of birds! How awesome is that? Is there a field dedicated to the study of Lords-A-Leaping? How about Maids-A-Milking? I hardly think so. #BirdsRule!

Exhibit D

You know that feeling when you walk outside in late winter and hear the birds singing? That sound warms your heart and signals spring has sprung with greater accuracy than all the computer-generated weather models combined. You know what I’m crowing about here, right?

As you can see, birds are a slice of awesome on our planet. Not only do we of the Aves class need humans to get their !@#$ together to ensure our well-being and the well-being of our habitat, perhaps you can find it in your hearts to give us the complete reign of a traditional holiday classic. No maids milking or drummers drumming or lords leaping or ladies dancing or even pipers piping. Heck, display the bling with those gold rings on your fingers instead of singing about them. 

Ladies and gentlemen, if the lyric don’t fit, you must change it.

So fly with us and amend what we can be amended. Accept, as submitted, the A.V.E.S. revised version of the classic holiday song:

• One the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…A partridge in a pear tree.
• Two turtle doves.
• Three french hens,
• Four calling birds,
• Five goldfinches,
• Six geese a-laying
• Seven swans a-swimming,
• Eight owls-a-hunting (or hooting, depending on your inclination for small woodland rodents.)
• Nine parrots…parroting?
• Ten ravens hopping,
• Eleven woodpeckers pecking,
• Twelve cardinals singing.

Thank you and from the entire STEM Tuesday team,

Happy Holidays to all!

And to all a good FLIGHT!

Mike Hays has worked hard from a young age to be a well-rounded individual. A well-rounded, equal opportunity sports enthusiasts, that is. If they keep a score, he’ll either watch it, play it, or coach it. A molecular microbiologist by day, middle-grade author, sports coach, and general good citizen by night, he blogs about sports/training related topics at www.coachhays.com and writer stuff at www.mikehaysbooks.com. Two of his science essays, The Science of Jurassic Park and Zombie Microbiology 101,  are included in the Putting the Science in Fiction collection from Writer’s Digest Books. He can be found roaming around the Twitter-sphere under the guise of @coachhays64.

The O.O.L.F Files

This month’s Out Of Left Field (O.O.L.F.) Files takes wing and goes birding!  

• Everything Audubon
  • Audubon Society
  • John James Audubon bio
  • Audubon’s Birds of America online
• The Christmas Bird Count
  • Wiki page
  • Event details at the Audubon Society
• Okay For Now by Gary D. Schmidt
  • A 2013 NPR interview with Gary D. Schmidt from when the book was selected for their Backseat Book Club. It’s the perfect interview from a fabulous author who wrote an almost perfect book.

• • Man, I love this book. I remember reading it for the first time. I started to read and thought that it was a good book. Everything changed, though, when Doug finds BIRDS OF AMERICA displayed at the library. This part of the book hit me at a visceral level and resonated through my reader’s soul. A kid from whom little is expected, a kid who is drowning in things beyond his control, finds a lifeline in science and art and is transformed to work at being a better human. Perfect.
• Bird Taxonomy from Thayer Birding Software
  • In addition to great information about bird taxonomy, this page uses one of my favorite birds, Turdus migratorius, to demonstrate the principles. 
• Ornithology, The Science of Birds
• All About Birds from The Cornell University’s Lab of Ornithology 
• Disturbing news for grassland birds!
  • Grassland birds in steep decline from the Grand Forks Herald.

STEM Tuesday

STEM books ENGAGE. EXCITE. and INSPIRE! Join us each week as a group of dedicated STEM authors highlight FUN topics, interesting resources, and make real-life connections to STEM in ways that may surprise you. #STEMRocks!